Its A Warm Summers Night And I'm Cold

"When someone said count your blessings now 'fore they're long gone I guess I just didn't know how. I was all wrong. They knew better. Still you said forever and ever. Who knew?"

...

As I sit here in my room at 4:30 in the morning in the dark I am thinking to myself....I just want to be held. I feel so alone and lonely. Its a warm summers night and I'm cold. I want the warmth of someone next to me. To hold me and tell me that I'm not alone. Even if it is only for this night.

...

I'm trying...I really am. I have two jobs. I work 45 hours a week. I spend time with my friends when I'm not working. I have a great time when I go out. I do everything that a young (somewhat ok looking) woman should be doing with her life.

...

Guys even flirt with me sometimes, but I don't care. Its just like my soul is somewhere else. Most of the time those men are trying to hide the wedding ring they are wearing as they are doing their flirting. But every once in a while there's a guy with no ring but I still don't care.

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Sure, I'll flirt back, and sometimes I'll have fun doing it. But I don't want to get to know them. I don't want to hang out with them. I don't want them to touch me...or hold me. I just don't. I don't know why. I wish that I did, But I don't. I'm sorry.

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I lie in bed at night and wonder why. Why I am the way I am. Why I am alone. Why he's not here. Why I want to be held.

...

Now I guess I'll go smoke a cigrette and watch the sunrise...again.

Maggie