LOVE vs. SEX

As I sat having a drink after work with a friend of mine we came up on a very good point in Relationships in this modren world that we live in. And here it is.

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"Why is it that men secretly look at porn while women secretly look at wedding dresses?"

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Now, stop and think about it for a moment. We have all done it. You look it up online when your boyfriend or girlfriend is at work or out for the night. You don't see the harm in it. But at the same time when you hear that car door shut that says "Hi Honey, I'm home!" you rush to get it off the screen. You even clear the google search history...just in case.

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So why do we do it? Why does it matter? Does it make us bad people?

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Really there is nothing wrong with it. In my mind both Porn and Wedding dresses are both very health. Looking at it doesn't hurt anyone. Just because you look at it doesn't mean thats want you want.

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Just because a guy looks at a sexy porn girl doesn't mean that he is unhappy in his relationship. And the same goes for Women and wedding dresses. Just because a woman looks at a pretty wedding dress doesn't mean that she wants to go running off to tie the knot. Its nice sometimes to look. Doesn't mean that thats all you think about and that you can't be happy without it.

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Now I don't mean that women don't look at porn and that men do not look at wedding crap. Please dont think that I am. Maybe I am the only one who has thought about this. If not let me know your feelings on this.
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Maggie

God Is In The Rain

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"I called my momma, she was out for a walk. Consoled a cup of coffee, but it didn't wanna talk. So I picked up a paper, it was more bad news. More hearts being broken or people being used. Put on my coat in the pouring rain. I saw a movie, it just wasn't the same. 'Cause it was happy and I was sad and it made me miss you, oh, so bad."

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I sat today at work and watched the storms move in while I smoked. I just sat there for a long time and watched the changing sky. The colors a different grays in the clouds and the rays of sunlight trying to fight thought and failing. I could have sat there forever.

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...I work everyday. I have not had a day off in almost three weeks. I guess thats good when pay day comes around. I am saving my money so half of ever paycheck that I get goes right into my savings and the other half goes to bills and things. That is pretty much my life. I have no life.

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I wake up, I get ready for work, I go to work, I come home, I go to sleep, Then I do it all again. The only thing that I get any enjoyment out of is when I got to this little Blues Club on Sunday night where my friend Kyle plays. Its a nice little place. Its nice to go and forget about life (work) for a few hours.

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Well, Its not all bad. This cloud can have a golden lining. I have my friends. Sarah and Amanda make my live better. I have money in the bank for the things that I will want later on down the road. Things like a apartment. I am ready for that. I love my brother but I want a place where I can hang my own things on the wall, where I can have my things my way. I have lost weight. Thats always good.

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I am still very lonley at night, but I know thatI have to learn to live with that...and I will...someday.

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"I brush my teeth and put the cap back on. I know you hate it when I leave the light on. I pick a book up and then I turn the sheets down, and then I take a deep breath and a good look around. Put on my pj's and hop into bed. I'm half alive, but I feel mostly dead. I try and tell myself it'll be all right, I just shouldn't think anymore tonight." -Jewel
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Maggie

Its A Warm Summers Night And I'm Cold

"When someone said count your blessings now 'fore they're long gone I guess I just didn't know how. I was all wrong. They knew better. Still you said forever and ever. Who knew?"

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As I sit here in my room at 4:30 in the morning in the dark I am thinking to myself....I just want to be held. I feel so alone and lonely. Its a warm summers night and I'm cold. I want the warmth of someone next to me. To hold me and tell me that I'm not alone. Even if it is only for this night.

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I'm trying...I really am. I have two jobs. I work 45 hours a week. I spend time with my friends when I'm not working. I have a great time when I go out. I do everything that a young (somewhat ok looking) woman should be doing with her life.

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Guys even flirt with me sometimes, but I don't care. Its just like my soul is somewhere else. Most of the time those men are trying to hide the wedding ring they are wearing as they are doing their flirting. But every once in a while there's a guy with no ring but I still don't care.

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Sure, I'll flirt back, and sometimes I'll have fun doing it. But I don't want to get to know them. I don't want to hang out with them. I don't want them to touch me...or hold me. I just don't. I don't know why. I wish that I did, But I don't. I'm sorry.

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I lie in bed at night and wonder why. Why I am the way I am. Why I am alone. Why he's not here. Why I want to be held.

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Now I guess I'll go smoke a cigrette and watch the sunrise...again.

Maggie

This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you...

"Starry, starry night. Paint your palette blue and grey. Look out on a summer’s day with eyes that know the darkness in my soul. Shadows on the hills, sketch the trees and daffodils. Catch the breeze and the winter chills In colours on the snowy linen land"

My dear Vincent, How your works light up my soul. The shadows of your soul follow with every small movement of the brush. Showing the deepest thoughts of your mind. Now I understand how you suffered for your sanity. To show others the world thought your artest's eyes. The beauty in the night sky and in the winds movment. The peace and rage in the clouds. The brightness of the stars. Thank you for your suffering so that we may see the world in your eyes.

For they could not love you,but still your love was true. And when no hope was left inside on that starry, starry night you took your life as lovers often do. But I could have told you vincent, This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you.

Maggie

This, Madame, is Versailles.

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Tell me how the truth can set you free when it is all covered over with a lie.

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Lies that have taken the lives of so many in this world and nothing comes of it.

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How can this set ones soul free?

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"Letting everyone down would be my greatest unhappiness. " Marie-Antoinette

Maggie

No... This is not a love Story

"No this is not a love story, but it is a story about love. About those who give in into it, and the price they pay. And those who run away from it, because they are afraid, or because they do not believe they're worthy of it. He ran away. She gave in. "

What would you say that love is? Just off the top of your head? Websters dictionary says that love is this.

LOVE:
1) Any object of warm affection or devotion; "the theater was her first love" or "he has a passion for cock fighting".
2)A beloved person; used as terms of endearment.
3)A deep feeling of sexual desire and attraction; "their love left them indifferent to their surroundings"; "she was his first love".


I don't know if any of these are right or wrong. All that I know is that I have felt love and passion. I have felt the fire under my skin and the burn when it is taken away.

It like a drug. Like a demon you can not face down...or like some kind of leech sucking the life for you. Like so kind of mad addicted that you can not give up.


You find yourself saying "I can do it, Just on more time, one more hit, one more touch, One more kiss" you believe that you can give it up but in your soul you know that you never can and never will. The passion will keep burning and burning and you will cry out for that touch.



...and every night that you have to go to sleep without it, you die and little more inside. Until one day you feel that touch again.

Maggie